We Think Rob Can

Support Rob's Campaign while helping homeless youth

Rob Gitin
Director and Cofounder, 11 years

Support Rob's Campaign!

Donate





The total I've raised pays for:
  • 8 years of support
  • and 2 housing assistance
  • and 1 night of outreach

Donations

NameAmountLocationDate
kurt manley, Friend$20san francisco, CA01/16/2009
julie Dery, Friend$20portland, OR01/27/2009
Jimmy Kimmel's got nothin on you! Woo away!
Anonymous, Friend$25002/04/2009
Dang, Gitin, you should come with a warning label.
Anonymous, Friend$10002/04/2009
maybe you should look for a nice girl on jdate instead--they ARE the undisputed leader in Jewish dating. only $40 a month.
Sandra Saberman, Friend$25Chicago, IL02/04/2009
Brilliant. (Wish I could give more but I'm a poor grad student right now!)
Anonymous, Friend$5002/04/2009
Cari & Erik Chen, Friend$50Belmont, CA02/04/2009
Good luck, Rob!
Daniel Baldonado, Friend$50Berkeley, CA02/04/2009
I'm rooting for you, Rob!...
Anonymous, Friend$5002/05/2009
I can't stand in the way of true love.
Anna Maida, Friend$50New York, NY02/05/2009
I am so looking forward to the updates!
Anthony Maruri, Friend$40San Francisco, CA02/05/2009
Good luck Rob, can't wait fot he youtube clips! Tony
Betsy Baum, Friend$20Oakland, CA02/05/2009
Corene Kendrick, Supporter$20San Francisco, CA02/05/2009
Anonymous$1802/11/2009
Because threesomes can be cool...
Gretchen Atwood, I don't know you but this is funny$25San Francisco, CA02/11/2009
Dude, I am a writer, working on a book on the integration of pro football in 1946. I have little extra money and the economy sucks. I really shouldn't be giving money to you despite the cause. But, yet...I can't help it. This is a funniest campaign I've seen (though Sarah's pitch for "The Great Schlep" was awesome) and you have a knack for using humiliation to raise public awareness and money. Here's my modest donation to help you reach your goal. In return I expect you to buy my book when it comes out, ahem. ;) Gretchen
Allison MacQueen, Friend$7San Mateo, CA02/11/2009
$1/day for wearing the sweatshirt!
Hilary smith, Friend$30Dutch Flat, CA02/11/2009
I knew she dumped Jimmy for a reason! I bet you're ALREADY dating her...;-) But I'll pay to see it play out on National TV.
Amelia Saliba, Friend$50Mountain View, CA02/11/2009
Now this inspires me to donate. You and Sarah are PERFECT for each other.
Deborah Kleinecke, Friend$25Greenbrae, CA02/11/2009
Wish I could pony up more for you. BTW - does your girlfriend approve of this campaign?
Mark Dwight, Friend$250San Francisco, CA02/11/2009
Good luck!
Vanessa Lyons, Friend$50San Francisco, CA02/11/2009
Hey, what about Matt Damon?
Adam Miller, Friend$25San Francisco, CA02/11/2009
Stefanie Glasser, Soulmate$18Brooklyn, NY02/11/2009
If the whole Sarah thing doesn't pan out after a few dates, I'm the second Jewess in line. Love, ya gurl Z
Megan Laurance, Friend$50San Francisco, CA02/11/2009
Rob - I consider this yet another way to honor my Mom's memory - as she would have been proud and of your persistence in wooing someone because of similar religious beliefs. At least - that's what I would tell her this was about.
Jessamine Chin, Friend$100San Francisco, CA02/12/2009
How could I not support your efforts - both with the goal of wooing Ms. Silverman and with all the great work you do at Crossroads?!?!
Michelle Gray, a friend's girlfriend$14Renton, WA02/12/2009
I've been looking for a good cause to donate my overpayment... What a great way to zero out and close my cc while supporting True Love!
Nicole Sanchez & Family$25Berkeley, CA02/12/2009
Mary Gregory, ATC Board Member$25San Francisco, CA02/12/2009
Irresistible!
Lynn Everdell, Friend$100Ridgefield, CT02/15/2009
Great cause and inspiring campaign, Rob. Continued good luck with both! Lynn and Josh
Steven Rubenstein$1,000New York, NY02/11/2009
Janet Shalwitz, Friend$35Phoenix, AZ02/18/2009
I'm totally there for you Rob! Good luck on this worthy adventure.
Anonymous, Chronicle Reader$5002/18/2009
Such a clever and fun idea - good luck. And a great cause!
Avner Lapovsky$25San Francisco, CA02/18/2009
Leo Sugrue, Friend$40San Francisco, CA02/18/2009
don't tell Ira, but I'm giving to Rob instead of NPR :-o
Gavin McKiernan, Friend$13Long Beach, CA02/18/2009
Great fundraising campaign rob, best of luck with it. Wish i had more to support your organization. -Gavin
Michelle Eckmann$500Henderson, NV02/18/2009
I'll email you the matching gift form from BAC for another $500. Looking forward to seeing the testimonials on YouTube so hope the donations continue to roll in.
Amanda Navar, Friend$150Pasadena, CA02/18/2009
If you make it to $10K, I will glady provide a couch for your pathetic ass while you're in LA.
Holly Whitaker, Friend$50San Francisco, CA02/19/2009
You go girl!
Brittney Palmer, Friend of Friend$25Atascadero, CA02/19/2009
Good luck, I look forward to tracking your progress.
Chris Soden, Friend$100San Jose, CA02/20/2009
Thank your friend Holly for this one -- her plea led me to your cause. Best of luck and continued success!
Rich Briggs, Friend$75Redwood City, CA02/20/2009
Mitchell Gitin$250London NW3 1DY, UK02/20/2009
Anonymous, Competitor for Sarah's love$2002/20/2009
Great cause and I can't blame you for your efforts toward Sarah. She is the hottest, funniest woman in the universe!!!
Andrew Stadler, Friend$100San Francisco, CA02/20/2009
Go get 'er
Pete Jensen, Friend$50Menlo Park, CA02/22/2009
Meg Sharkey, Friend$100San Francisco, CA02/23/2009
Google Employee Matching Gift$100, 02/23/2009
Katie Solomon$200Boston, MA02/24/2009
Bank of America Employee Match from Michelle Eckmann$500, 02/25/2009
Deborah Gitin, Enjoying your antics since 1974.$60San Francisco, CA02/26/2009
I believe this makes FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! Get out your camera. (And when is that poetry slam going to be, anyway?)
Emily Berk, Cuz$15Waltham, CA02/26/2009
J Frederic Kerrest, Friend$25Somerville, MA02/26/2009
You're a total freak. Proud to say you were my Freshman RA. Awesome!
Janet Yu, Babysitter$50San Francisco, CA02/26/2009
Looking forward to your rhymes.
Kathryn Drenning, Former ATC volunteer$100Washington, DC02/28/2009
So awesome to see the Chronicle article! Keep it up Rob!
Kristen Honey, Friend$100San Francisco, CA02/28/2009
I'll double my donation if you don a Sarah-Silverman-I-want-you thong stuffed with an armadillo. Get crazy! Get creative! You're doing a GREAT JOB, Rob. Keep up the great work. Nice to see you last night. I am still in shock that you live in the City on THIS coast. For YEARS, I've though that "the City" meant New York for you. Glad you're closer. We'll have to hang again.
ChungWen Hsieh, Friend$25San Francisco, CA02/28/2009
Andrew McClelland, Friend$50San Francisco, CA03/01/2009
With that Shayna Punim you've got on ya, how could she not want to take you out?
Rebecca Weill, Friend$50San Francisco, CA03/02/2009
How could I NOT donate to your campaign?! This makes me giving up sugar seem so easy... And I'd really like to see you in the sandwich board!
Clare Nolan, Friend$100San Francisco, CA03/04/2009
Hi Rob! Good luck with your campaign. Sarah Silverman is the bomb. Clare at Harder+Company
Liza Kunz, Old Dormmate!$50Sunnyvale, CA03/06/2009
Hey Rob! So awesome what you are doing for the community! Good luck wooing Sarah :-) Liza
Terry & Lori Berkemeier & Lerner$1,000Larkspur, CA03/06/2009
Andrew Kingsdale, Friend$200San Francisco, CA03/07/2009
I like the sandwich board idea. Or maybe a pledge to stop bathing until you get the date... can be pretty effective too (at least in motivating others to donate)
Marie G Segares, Friend$20New York, NY03/22/2009
paula and mark williams, Friend$50san francisco, CA03/23/2009
i think she'll really get into that Fat Albert Suit. I mean she can really get into the suit. Maybe with you in it. Don't even bother washing it. I hear she likes it dirty
Anonymous$1,00003/23/2009
Ilana Golin, Fan$10Berkeley, CA03/31/2009
Diana Pang, Friend$25San Francisco, CA04/02/2009
This one's in honor of Jimmy Kimmel. I do hope that you'll be her new man soon.
Edna Ann Rivera, Friend$10Alameda, CA04/07/2009
sorry i missed your performance -- hope you came through with some dignity intact :o)
Donors from Ode To Sarah Silverman$200, 04/07/2009
Susan Celia Swan, Friend$100San Francisco, CA04/09/2009
amanda berk, Broke Cousin$5Asheville, NC04/09/2009
Tessa Hedstrom, Friend$25San Francisco, CA04/10/2009
Rob - thanks for sending out the facebook message with a link to your youtube video. Awesome. I loved your ode and your willingness to do anything for ATC. Your passion, creativity and dedication are really inspiring to me! You go!
Laurie Navar Gill, Sister of a friend$25Wildwood, MO04/12/2009
Amanda Navar introduced me to ATC and this campaign. I have enjoyed following the craziness. Good luck!
William Thompson, Lover$25Los Angeles, CA04/16/2009
Our night together was worth more than $25 but I need to conserve my resources in case the struggling non-profit I'm running goes under.
Rebecca Knoll, Friend$25San Francisco, CA04/18/2009
When's the big date with the cardboard cut-out?(hilarious!)
Gavin Funabiki, Friend$50oakland, CA05/18/2009
John and Kim Laurance$100San Francisco, CA05/19/2009
Rena Ivy$100Mill Valley, CA05/28/2009
JustAnswer$50San Francisco, CA05/29/2009
Holly Whitaker, Friend$5San Francisco, CA06/18/2009
Word on the street is you've been flaking on your accountant, too...
Kirsten Olson, Friend$25Portland, OR06/19/2009
Good luck with the needlepoint. All the best with the campaign!
Jacqueline Statum, Friend$20Chicago, IL06/19/2009
Very creative campaign. Keep it up Rob!
Anonymous$2506/20/2009
Victoria Talavera, Freed ATC Slave$25Long Beach, CA06/20/2009
I think I thought about donating once, but forgot. Or maybe I did and now I've donated twice. Either way, this $25 is all I have, so it's all you get.
Ann Marie Everdell, Friend$50Brooklyn, NY06/23/2009
Chris and I could never pass up an opportunity to have you humiliate yourself. Keep at it!
Mitchell Gitin, Family$100San Francisco, CA05/03/2010
Way to go, son! Keep at it! Love, Dad
Ray Black, Is this really necessary-I have a court order you know!$10San Francisco, CA05/03/2010
Sarah, save us from Rob!
Janet Shalwitz, Friend$25Phoenix, AZ05/04/2010
Rob, You're such a mensch. Who could resist you? Janet

Goal

To get a date with Sarah Silverman. Well, the goal is not really to date her, but to woo her. And woo her I will, with Game that would make LeBron jealous. The more money I raise, the more humiliating and ridiculous the wooing will get. Jimmy Kimmel will be begging for mercy.

For $1,000, I will wear, every day for a week, a sweatshirt with her picture and a special message begging her for a date.

For $2,500, I will write and and perform a poetry slam in her honor at a public place, inviting friends to watch, and post it on You Tube.

For $7,500, I will show Sarah what a date with me would be like by going out on a simulated date with a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Sarah Silverman, capturing the highlights on You Tube.

For $10,000, I will fly to LA and walk the streets in front of her workplace (or her agent's workplace) for a day wearing a Sandwich Board proclaiming my devotion and requesting her company for an evening.

I chose this goal because

When I saw Sarah about a decade ago on Conan O'Brien, it was Love at First Caustic Joke. Since then, the love has been nurtured into a truer, deeper love. A more meaningful love, not just based on the Outside Sarah, but on the Inside Sarah. Now it is time to requite. In order for this to happen, she first needs to learn that I exist, and that I am her ideal man.

I'm helping because

Much like last year, I kind of don't feel like I have a choice, being the director of ATC. However, this year, it is even more important. Raising money is more difficult than it has been at any time in our 11-year history. We recently had to make cuts to staff salaries for the first time ever. We are doing the best work we have ever done with our youth, seeing them make incredible progress in their lives. We have an unbelievably talented, committed staff that makes this happen. I want my staff to have jobs, and to be paid decently, and unless we raise more money, these two things are threatened.

About At The Crossroads

ATC walks the streets of San Francisco, reaching out to homeless youth and young adults on their turf. We work with young people who others have given up on, who would not get help without us. Since we started 13 years ago, we have worked with more than 5,000 youth, helping them build outstanding lives.

Updates

After a nearly one-year hiatus, the campaign to woo Sarah is making a comeback. It will be like Jordan on the '96 Bulls. Like Travolta in Pulp Fiction. Like my hairline after I started taking Propecia.

I recently talked with Dan Sterling, who works very closely with Sarah. He photographed me wearing my Sarah sweatshirt, and is sending the pictures to her. My hope is that she will be going to this website to see what the campaign is all about. This is no B.S. I know I am a nearly pathological liar, but this is a rare instance where I am telling the truth.

While my words may impact her, it will be you that gets me this date. I am making one simple request. Please take a minute, and comment on this post, using the space to tell Sarah something about me that will make her want to date me. I will hope that she'll take the time to read through the comments, and be overwhelmed with your compelling anecdotal evidence that I am the one for her.

And no filters please. I don't want her initial attraction to be based on false pretenses. True stories, real reflections, honest assessments. Haikus are permitted. As you know, Sarah is a big fan of all things Asian.

Dazzles her with your stories, homages, paeans. And then watch the romance of the century unfold.

Emily LoSavio wrote:

For the past 6 years I have been trying to help Rob get a date with ANYONE. I've liquored him and dragged him to parties. I've set him up with my trainwreck friends. I've even broken into his email account and acted on his behalf.

All to no avail.

What Rob needs is (ironically) CHARITY.

Rob believes in helping others help themselves - that's the strategy at ATC. Unfortunately, though, that strategy just doesn't work with Rob. He needs other people to do it for him - especially in the dating department. I've tried my hand at this daunting task and, regretably, I've failed.

On behalf of Rob, I would like to beg, plea and whine for someone to bestow a little charity upon his poor, deprived soul. Thow Rob a bone. A BIG bone. Hook him up with just ONE DATE with the love of his dreams, Sarah Silverman. Maybe, just maybe that date will be enough to last Rob a lifetime (cuz it's likely to be the only one he EVER gets).

In desperation, Rob's pimp,

Emily

Bill wrote:

Sarah, if you can f**k Matt Damon, you can date Rob Gitin. At least once.

Mary Gregory wrote:

Sarah, I'm Rob's boss--I'm the head of the board of At The Crossroads. Rob is a fantastic executive director and has built this wonderful organization from the ground up, but he is driving me CRAZY with all this whining about YOU. So PLEASE go out with him -- just once -- and let him re-focus on issues of homeless youth because he does that so well.

roxanne wrote:

Sarah- I beg you from the bottom of my heart to at least give Rob a sliver of a chance to exchange a few words with you. He will then stop flooding my inbox with emails titled "Help me Woo Sarah".

Oh to be free of his desperate emails professing his love for you!!!

Ilana Golin wrote:

Sarah - From one Jewess to another, give Rob a shot. Yes, his fashion is questionable, but his sense of humor is spot-on.

Kristina wrote:

Hi Sarah! You should date Rob because he\'s a really good flosser. And he can read, so he\'ll probably read your new book about pee. Then you guys will have a lot to talk about.

Mitch Gitin wrote:

Hi, Sarah. In my unbiased opinion, you should date Rob because he is an absolute prince! In the interest of full disclosure, I am his father!

gene Gitin wrote:

Sarah should date Rob because he is the cutest little dumpling ever - and I am not prejudiced even though I am his uncle

Ray-if I told you more, I'd have to kill ya! wrote:

Despite all the other comments on this page, there really is NO good reason to EVER date Rob. He is a lot of things, telling you would be a breech of national security and common decency, and unnecessarily cruel to woodland creatures, but worth the time of day, no. Worth a boring night, only if it were the last one (forgive the Christian revelation reference-we pray for a hell so he can suffer like he has made us suffer).

Go out on a date to give yourself plenty of material for your next book and more material for your routine and a skit in your show! After Matt Damon and bedwetting, after fame and fortune, and after visiting this page of people acknowledging his existence, you owe it to US to put HIM out of our misery (did you think this was about you?). Rob is at least a page in the biographical sequel and three jokes and equal to a Sarah Palin sketch (Tina who?).

Lisa M. Feldstein wrote:

Hi Sarah. You should date Rob because then we could hear about his dating you rather than his wish to do so. Also, he has a direct line to really awesome fruit at the farmers' market and he might give you some for free.

emilie bard wrote:

Rob is really funny and can make jokes about really serious subjects. He even made jokes about me being sick when I was sick in the hospital. He also makes fun of himself.

John wrote:

Keep it up, Rob. I hear hot celebrities down in L.A. are currently looking to date chubby, poor, and desperate non-profit types from the Bay Area. It\'s all the rage. It\'s called \"Bring a Schlub to da Club.\" I read about it in \"Stars- They\'re Just like Us!\" in Us Magazine. Either that or on twitter. Not really sure. But the point is, this isn\'t really as hopeless and stupid as one may think.\r\n\r\nYour Token Goy Friend,\r\nJohn

Deborah, who is considering changing her last name so that it isn't Gitin any more wrote:

You could do worse. You have done worse.

malkeet wrote:

sarah- you should date rob because he's a racist just like you. he especially hates jews.

Jessa wrote:

Sarah - you have go on a date with Rob! When he gets nervous (which happens a lot) he breaks into song and dance, more specifically singing "Wiggle it, just a little bit. I want to see you wiggle it..." How can you pass that up?

Nicole wrote:

Sarah, You should absolutely go on a date with Rob. I hear he is not a bed wetter so you will not have to relieve your child hood issues.

alex wrote:

Sarah, you should actually date me instead. I am at least as short as Rob and make even less money, but I am way funnier, and you clearly need some help on that angle.

Steve Williams wrote:

Sarah, you should date Rob because I think you'll be amazed at what he can do with his sock puppet. Suffice it to say, the sock's never seen this hand. Of course, as his mentor, I've only heard stories...

Loren Taylor wrote:

Since I am not particularly inspired to come up with a witty post, I'll tell you the truth. Rob is a great guy who you will have a real cool time if you go on a date with him.

Christine wrote:

I have heard - and we all know rumors are true - that Rob starting wetting the bed once this campaign started. He is in desperate need of some tips on how to stop. One small date should do the trick.

Rebecca Weill wrote:

Another non-witty post because there are plenty of funny posts, and funny people on the planet like you. What I can tell you is that Rob is a super nice, smart, cute guy who has built this tremendous organization that does much good for people who really need it. He has a heart of gold and I think he'd be a fun date. I can't wait to hear all about it!

Anonymous wrote:

Am I gonna need to cut a b*@&h?!

M wrote:

Sarah, please date Rob. Please. It is your destiny, and you really need to just accept it. God has been kind to you in giving you such a gift- just accept it.

Rob andI met at Stanford and have been various types of friends over the years (unfortunately I keep falling further down friendship tiers), and I never could quite date him because I knew he was meant for another- and now I know it is you.

Betsy wrote:

Listen, I'm a nice Jewish girl. And Rob never wanted to go out with me. I'm crushed and vindictive, so I can think of no better punishment for him than going out on a date with you... you might even be better than he deserves. At any rate, it would be great to see him suffer.

Avi wrote:

Rob's need for attention from Sarah Silverman is a medical condition. It would be cured once Sarah gives a nod, smile or points in Rob's direction. Once she does, we'll finally move to the PTSDS phase and deal with Rob's Post Traumatic Sarah Distress Syndrome which could last for years. Go Rob ! Go Sarah ! Go At The Crossroads !A.Lapovsky San Francisco

Allison wrote:

Rob = Grand Mensch. Nuff said.

dw wrote:

Sarah-Date Rob and you will get a taste of his extrodinary ability to cook. I'm sure he won't hesitate to serve up his remarkable meatball dish. Though I've never had it, and granted he is Jewish, he claims these are the "most tastey things with red sauce you can savor." And from what I understand, it is rare that he will serve this dish unless he is wearing his Fat Albert sweat suit, or at least part of it. Happy heartburn.

cialis generic purchase wrote:

I am the first time on this site and am really enthusiastic about and so many good articles. I think it's just very good.

Always yours Mr. Cialis

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Top ten excuses for why I have been such a slacker on this campaign for the past couple of months:

1) Sarah is playing hard to get, and I am completely unfamiliar with women responding that way to my overtures, so I don’t know how to react

2) I have gotten so fat that I am ashamed to stalk

3) The results of the tests haven’t come back from the clinic, and I think Sarah deserves an STD-free experience

4) Other Jewish women have been proving highly distracting

5) Damn homeless kids keep bothering me

6) I am training for a marathon. Either that or I have been really busy eating Marathon bars. One of the two.

7) Low grade dysthymia has proven somewhat debilitating

8) My new pass-time of needlepoint has proven highly addictive

9) Once she dumped Jimmy, the previously unattainable goal became all too real, and I run from any possibility of real happiness

10) She hasn’t been maintaining her looks, and I refuse to date down

Please donate to help me get over my excuses and resume my pursuit.

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Poe. Neruda. Shakespeare. Dickinson. Gitin?

Should I be added to the list of great love poets? You make the call:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O4hkEO8LC0

While I can’t imagine that any woman would require more to give a boy a chance, I want to eliminate all excuses. Sarah seems a tad bit finicky. To continue to win her over, my next act will be gathering videotaped testimonials from the women in my life singing my praises, letting Sarah know what she is missing. Although I fear that some of them might take the opportunity to let Sarah know how lucky she is to be missing out. Women are so damn unpredictable. I’ve learned better than to try to control them (or understand them, or please them). I just try to appreciate them for the wonderful creatures they are.

At any rate, I need your support to keep motivated! Pursuing a dream is hard. So, if you:

- Appreciated my poetic efforts and want to show your support

- Want to see me continue to creatively woo her in a public forum, or

- Want to show Sarah that there are millions who believe that I am date-worthy

Then Donate! If you haven’t donated yet, what the hell are you waiting for? And if you have donated, forward this to someone who hasn’t.

Thanks to the amazing people who turned out last Friday night to support me in my moment of spoken word humiliation! I was incredibly nervous, but seeing all of you there rooting for me made all the difference in the world.

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It has been an exciting week in the Wooing of Sarah Silverman. Top highlights:

1) As pictured, I'm fine-tuning my strategy for when I get my date with Sarah. I mean, a date is cool and all, but I got to close the deal. Now, historically, this has never been my strong point. So, taking a page from my friend's book (Hi John Stassen!), I've decided to use that magic aphrodisiac, alcohol.

2) The article in last week's Chronicle has brought some interesting attention. For instance, I've made it onto a somewhat official looking blog spot:http://sarah-silverman-news.blogspot.com/2009/02/rob-gitin-i-think-i-can-campaign-makes.html

Could this mean? Could it be? Is it possible that my pathetic efforts to get noticed are making their way up the food chain to Sarah's people? Hard to distinguish between Sarah's people and her stalkers, so I'm not sure. Does the lowly Jewish Boy from Brooklyn actually have a chance to get noticed by the Comedic Goddess? This would be the greatest upset since the Giants beat the Patriots in the 2008 Superbowl, since David kicked Goliath’s butt, since an inexperienced, bi-racial man beat a White War hero to win the presidency. Allow me to dream the impossible dream. Yes We Can.

3) I've had a number of people (male and female) see my sweatshirt and tell me that they too want to date Sarah. This has emboldened me. You've never seen such a collection of losers in your life. I am so much cooler than them. I mean, I have an actual custom-made sweatshirt, and they have bubkes. If this is my competition, I am the Big Winner my mother always told me I'd be one day. Thanks for believing in me, Mommy!

kris wrote:

i can't believe you picked THAT picture! i see that my advice is of no importance to you.

jk. you rock man.

anon wrote:

two updates in week five? geez, if this is the kind of game you got, sarah is safe.

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I've discovered a few reasons why Sarah and I are meant to be:

1) Both of our ancestry is from Russia and Poland (what are the odds for a couple of Jews!)

2) She wet her bed as I teenager. I wet my bed in my early 30s.

3) She likes pudgy guys who aren't as funny as her. Enough said.

4) Her mother was a photographer for George McGovern. I recently saw his documentary and found him incredible.

5) She, in fact, has simultaneously launched a campaign hoping to have sex with me; what are the odds!

John wrote:

Keep it up, Rob. I hear hot celebrities down in L.A. are currently looking to date chubby, poor, non-profit types from the Bay Area. It's all the rage. I read about it in "Stars- They're Just like Us!" in Us Magazine. Either that or on twitter. Not really sure. But the point is, this isn't really as hopeless and stupid as one may think.

Your Token Aryan Friend,

John

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